Channeling Lisa Simpson

Hey Kids!

Today we're gonna talk about the saxophone.  Specifically, MY saxophone, which I am playing for an audition today, for the first time in a whiiiiiilllle.

Yup, it's a Yamaha.  Student Model.   Deal with it.

Today I have an audition for this thing called "The Ride".  [Insert Ye Olde "Towne Bi-cycle" jokes here.] 

This is their website: http://www.experiencetheride.com

Basically what it is, as far as I can tell, is an NYC  tourist bus where the seats face horizontally- as in towards the large side windows instead of out front.  REVOLUTIONARY, you say??  Well just you wait, little ones. There's so much more.  Oh yes, you and 25 German senior citizens will tour New York City from 42nd St. to 59th/ Columbus Circle (Midtown! Or as I call it- Satan's Asshole!). And as you're traveling through this charmingly traffic-ridden tourist trap, actors and performers will pop out on the streets and do little mini performances on the sidewalk.  Liiiike THIS (thanks youtube!):

As my roommate remarked, "Wowwww. The Ride, huh? Art is not dead, Nicole."

Shut up, Joe.

So, they're auditioning me to be Lisa Simpson, methinks.  I'd be the girl who would pop out and play like, "New York State of Mind" or "Autumn Leaves" on one of the stops, while Japanese tour groups took pictures of my blond pointy hair.  Haha. Should be a fun day either way.  And playing sax, I don't have to talk/ yell!!  Wahoo!!  Bonus.

So, right, story: Lily From The Ride calls me at 5pm yesterday, as I was coming home from the gym.  Please bear in mind that I submitted for this audition on Backstage.com for this THREE MONTHS AGO.  Not expecting anything when I put through my headshot and resume and claimed to be great at sax. Just thinking: "That bus looks silly, and hey, it's paid!" Also, mind you,  I'm not supposed to even be talking outside AT ALL, much less talking above ambient street noise on my cell (horrors!).  So, listening to Lily From The Ride leave a message on the vm (that's "voicemail", for all of you who don't live at an office), I duck into a bodega to call her back.

Who's hungry?

In that midtown deli, next to steaming piles of General Tsao's and limp broccoli, I start to realize that the real problem with the whole "not talking" deal is that I'm so damn charismatic!  Or at least, I want to be.  Ok, I like to flirt with EVERYone, normally.  I find that people do more things for you if you smile. Also, it's fun to play with strangers! And as Grandpa Lewis used to say, "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, Squeaky Britches".  (I used to love to wear corderoy pants..therefore "squeaky britches".. ok, my family is from the South, ALRIGHT?!) 

So anyway, trying to "limit my talking" on a phone conversation with a stranger, who I'm both trying to get to schedule an appointment around my insane schedule, AND getting her to like me enough to pay me to perform is.. difficult. For me. To say the least.

Also, my saxophone is actually, physically broken (the low D key isn't sealing correctly, therefore it sounds like a goose in heat and/or labor in the lower register), PLUS I was babysitting all yesterday evening after work, then working again at 9am in the morning- (remember when I told you that the word "rest" is a foreign concept?)  In addition to that, Lily From The Ride can only see me before 1pm for an audition.  Oh, of course she can. Because I work from 9-1:30pm.

So.  You know.  You make do.

Got coverage at work from my grrrRREAT receptionist buddy, Michele. (She's hilarious, and an actor/ puppeteer.  Check out HER blog on having hip problems and being crippled for 6 weeks in New York,  it's what inspired me to complain about my problems to a larger audience!:  Food, Exercise, and Shit That Makes Me Mad)

After Michele graciously agreed to come in an hour early, I still had the problem of a broken horn and not having played, really, for like...uhh a year.  Euuugh.  So I come home from babysitting at 11pm, knowing I physically NEED to practice but of course the roomies are asleep.  Have you ever tried to play a broken saxophone quietly at 11pm?  Here's a tip: Don't.  It will only end in tears.

Chops?  What chops?

[Pause- sitting at Reception at work and OH MY GOD I just saw someone trip and stumble in her heels while strutting through the door. Hahaha yessss.  No boxes were dropped, unfortunately.]

Back to the story.  What's a girl to do with rusty major scales, sleeping roommates and a broken sax?

Go to the roof, of course:

Party of one.

From 11pm -MidnightThirty, I slowly got my chops back, playing on my rooftop in Crown Heights, Brooklyn.  Funnily enough, because I couldn't play in my low register, I kept having to work out tunes I could play in the upper register.  All these squeaky high notes set about 6 of the dogs in my neighborhood howling.  My life is a cartoon.

But, dogs, broken instrument, and all,  EVENTUALLY I figured out three different songs I can play at the audition.

And now, in about 2 hours, I'll go to audition for The Ride.  Gonna show 'em the actual range of the horn with Van Morrison's "Moondance", slow-jam 'em with "Stormy Weather", and then end it on a high note with MJ's "The Way You Make Me Feel". While wearing my sparkly shoes and lucky pink dress.  And playing my broken sax- with all my soul.  Cuz you never know where an audition will lead...

The original Soulful White Girl.